The dark of the day rises to meet me. The warmth of the previous days a tease. My son, my son, my soul cries out. I pass the accident site. Today. I slip. The images flash before me. Images I never saw. Images that played out while I slept. My darling red head. My first born son. Passed from this life while I slept. Oh, how I miss him. The deep, piercing ache creeps through my veins today. The wait for next tests for my farmer. I cling to the Ancient promises. The truth. This ... View Post
Happy Birthday Mom
Mom would be 78 today. Be grateful for your time. Live. Love. Forgive. Be present, grateful to God, in the moment. ````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````` It's my mom's birthday. She would have been 71. Her birthday so near Mother's Day. I would always send her flowers for Mother's Day and a present for her birthday. I remember her last Mother's Day. The woman asked me what I wanted to say on the card. I must have known in my spirit that this would be my ... View Post
Oh, How He Loves Us. . . Day # 22 of Thankfulness
How can you be gone? I look at your picture, I want to see you so badly. I want to turn back time, change anything I can. I yearn for this to not be. I long to hear you call me mom. I walk into your room. I just stand there looking around. I remember your crib and then your big boy bed. I remember when Cedric needed to share the room and how angry you were. I think back to the time Caleb gave you your first Lacrosse stick. I want to hear how things are and chat. You're my first born. My boy, my Lijy. It's just so not fair. My heart just can't take it ... View Post
Where Do You Go On A Rainy Day?. . . Day # 18 of Thankfulness
The afternoon had been full of visitors. Gary's cousin, sharing alternative cancer treatments. A friend leaving for Antarctica. Dinner delivered to the door. Others stop too, to visit with the farmer. Bags still to be unpacked. I am tired. We sit for dinner and I sit in a different seat. I try to understand this new normal. For some reason, within my soul, rises a desire to scream. I want to holler that this isn't fair. I want my boy back. I don't want my husband to have cancer. I don't want to think about radiation and chemo ... View Post