It's going to be hot. But there is a threat of rain. It amazes me how quickly our weather can change. The day will begin gorgeous and turn to torrents of rain in a moment. That volatility is what I feel with my emotions. Some days I am strong. I can make it through. I breathe deep and I can feel the power of the Holy Spirit giving strength. Other days I am consumed with a deep stabbing ache. Grief is hard work. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Our country; the church, have done a shameful thing in rushing ... View Post
I Am Found
Each day I read last years post. Counting down the days of his life. Searching for meaning. Something I have missed. Like an addict looking for a hit. I want to see something. I long for just a glimpse. It consumes me; if I let it. How I want to touch or feel something connected to him. These final days of his life. He would live for 19 more days. That is it. I didn't know. My son. Full of hope; a future. We were mourning the loss of our puppy. Still grieving my mom, my parents dog, my dad's ... View Post
I Fear She Will Forget
Today is the anniversary of Davis Farm's first blog post. Little did I know then how this blog would become an outlet for my expression through deep grief and cancer. How I would wrestle with all things eternal. It seems like just yesterday that Gary and the kids went off to the Williston Parade. As usual there had been much activity. It was nice to have a few moments to myself. I can't remember what I did with those moments. I am sure I made an ice cream cake for Eleanor's birthday. I probably wrote the post. But most ... View Post
This Sea Of Emotions
I dream I am waking him up and he looks at me with those big blue eyes. It is the first time I have dreamed about Elijah since God called him home. It was so real. I woke sad. I fought through the day to focus on that which was positive. To count my blessings. To remember Elijah is with the King of Kings. His work finished here on this earth. He now reigns in Glory. Never to experience pain or hurt. Revelation 21:4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death' or mourning or crying or pain, for the ... View Post
Fill My Cup
She stands at my door. She who has lost much. My mind flashes to the first time I saw her at my door. She and her beloved husband. Standing there. He, with his mug ready for filling. Hot coffee was needed. A twinkle in his eye. A kindred spirit. She stood there quiet while I filled his cup. She now stands in the same space. But the life long partner has been called home. She stands taller. More sure of herself. She gives me encouragement. She fills my cup. Isn't that what we need to do? Aren't ... View Post
New Beginnings
Our newest employee. Selling all he has. Leaving the familiar. Moving to a new land. A new climate. New job. Traveling many miles to get here. Actually he is not here yet. His wife and 3 of his children have made it. He and his son are still on their way. Delays and cancellations changed plans. I look at this family and I think how courageous they are. Abraham heeded the call to go. He left all he knew to enter a land God was providing. Genesis 12:1 The LORD had said to Abram, "Go from your country, your people and your father's household to the land I ... View Post
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