Today is Day #14 of Radiation. He is half way through Chemo. The side effects have been minimal. . .up until now. This week they have begun to wield their wrath. It began with a metallic taste and now has moved to no taste or having a foul taste. This is a man who rarely, if at all, complains. Ok, rarely, if at all speaks. But he rarely complains. He pushes on no matter what. He is driven; in work, faith, commitment. There is a danger in this. Success of treatments needs a healthy body. He needs to eat and drink. Today I will begin trying ... View Post
I Am Not Sure I Want A Clean Slate
The new year came. 2014 came with a tick of a moment. A beat. Much like the moment; the beat, that stopped the night our son was killed. 2014 a new beginning, a clean slate; one I don't want so clean. I don't want to chose a word, or make resolutions. ... View Post
The Future That Really Matters. . .Day #30 of Thankfulness
I walk out of the bedroom to start my coffee. There are sleeping bags all over the living room. I pick up the pot and plug it in the bathroom so not to disturb anyone. I have a blondie in my bed who had a headache in the middle of the night. I start the laundry and fold a load while I wait for the coffee. My phone is plugged in, in the middle of the sea of sleeping bags. I don't dare disturb them. I wander to the parlor, I open the door and there is another sea of sleeping bags. I head back to my room. I hope the blondie stays sleeping. There are sleeping bags in 2 of the rooms ... View Post
There is Great Grace, And There is Still Beauty
My kids found these teenagers a few years ago on youtube. They love listening to their harmonies. As a child my family would sing this hymn,gathered around the piano, with my Grandmother or Uncle playing the piano like there was no tomorrow. Oh how they would sing and harmonize. My cousins family sings like that. It's a beautiful thing. Those are years of memories forever etched into my being. This song became near and dear to us as mom began her journey with cancer; as she stepped ever heavenward. Oh how she would sing this ... View Post
With Whom do I Wrestle?
My heart is wounded. I am tired. This path is wrought with grief and pain. The only way out is through. One needs to wrestle through the memories. Through the future that will never be; snatched away. I've been robbed. Robbed of graduation from Marine Corps Boot Camp, robbed of the future of our son. And it hurts. I can't change it. No matter the longing, it will never be. Yet my wounded heart is held in the palm of the hand of the One who created us. And as I wrestle each day with the reality of never ... View Post
There is A Season
One of Gary's Uncles drops off an article he has had since 1974. It is an article about Gary and the farm. I sit and read this old news. Gary is 18. The age our son never saw. Funny how pieces of the past draw you in. Popovers and Oatmeal for breakfast this morning. Elijah did not like popovers. I can't remember how he felt about oatmeal. I always had to ask the kids to remind me what they liked. I walk out of the bedroom. It is warm. We have heat in the house. Such little things. Yet so important. I listen to the messages on ... View Post