For the first time in months. The words don't come. For the past 312 days I have written every morning or evening. The words flow. Cathartic in their way. An outpouring of my soul. The anguish of my heart worked through. But today the words don't come. It has been a hard few days. The missing great. The coming to the close of another year. Reliving each of those events. Longing for the boy we celebrated. Knowing next year we will walk the Senior road again. So many emotions vacillating. Thoughts in a jumble. Heart aching. There are new beginnings. Life is marching ... View Post
Turning Around Another First
A year of firsts that leave you undone. Reminders of all you have lost. Days when you shut the door to your heart because you absolutely can not feel anymore. You push hard, so you can breathe. Each breath measured so the next one will come. Bearing the weight that threatens to crush. Holding on with all you have; to promises made long before time began. Jeremiah 31:3 The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. It's prom. A thoughtful request for ... View Post
I’ve Never Tried To Be A Good Parent. . . Until Now
I want to be the best parent I can. I don't think this has ever occurred to me. Not that I wanted to be a poor parent. I just did what needed to be done. I didn't think about it. When the kids were little I taught. There wasn't much time for anything. I haven't really looked to others. Honestly. I didn't have that great of a relationship with my mom. Yes, it's true. God helped us to make it what it became. So, I just did the opposite of what she did. Yes, it's true too. Oh, there are some things that have been ... View Post
A Recipe To Lighten Anyone’s Load
They ask me to please let them go. I know I am in for a day of it if I say yes. And I know the memories will be lost forever if I say no. My little princess girls want to help their daddy in the wee hours. When the darkness is the deepest. And the Joy Thief can be relentless. When the mundane is elevated. But the farmer isn't himself and that which was once fun for him; now produces anxiety. Once there was joy when the kids wanted to get up to milk. An adventure; counting stars. Sometimes the Northern ... View Post
Just Because. . .Part 2
I don't necessarily like part 2's. I like things to wrap up nicely and be done. Finished. I don't live that way. I leave many things unfinished. Incomplete. But with others things I want it finished. I found after yesterday's post. That there was the "rest of the story" There was more to flush out in the day. Because everyday is the Lord's Psalm 118:24 This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it. I recognized that it was His day. I gave praise. But rejoicing these days is hard. My soul is peaceful and I recognize God's handiwork ... View Post
Even When I Feel Alone. . . He Is There
They came to the farm. We knew little of what was happening. Never had any idea of the magnitude of the gift. They were there to serve. Quietly. And today. When there is still snow on the ground, when depression's clutches dig deep; when the wind blows causing temperatures to plunge to freezing, we are reminded of the gift. Reminded that the farmer does not have to go each day to forage for wood. It is there. Piled high. It is grace. All wrapped in a beautiful package. When those pieces of love were cut and stacked, there was no diagnosis of cancer. There was just deep heartache and ... View Post
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