How can this be Your purpose?
I stare at your picture and I still wonder, how can it be?
How can you be gone?
I look at your lop sided smile and the ache reaches the core of my being.
For a moment I have to catch my breath.
All seems to spin wildly.
I miss you my boy.
I miss you deeply.
You were so handsome.
So much still to come.
I wrestle daily with the missing.
Choosing to step each moment in grace.
Knowing that God is working his purpose.
His purpose for good.
Even this devastating tragedy.
Even in this loss.
God is working things together for good.
I need to trust the process.
I need to let God do His work.
I’m not saying that losing you was good.
God will work it all out- for good.
I call my farmer to check in.
He asks me if I have driven anywhere yet.
My response is, “Why? Do I have a flat tire.”
He chuckles and asks how did my mind go to a flat tire?
I thought to myself, he doesn’t know my mind ran to: a car hit it, it”s been stolen. . .
Why as a believer in Christ, knowing that all things work together for good, do I go to the negative?
I expect the bad.
Each time my farmer calls, I expect there to be bad news.
Is this a deeper issue?
Do I not value my relationship with God enough?
Do I believe that I don’t deserve anything better than bad?
I’ve come to expect that there won’t be enough money.
Each day I wake to the thought , what will go wrong today?
I am a child of God.
My value is because of the cross.
Who I am is defined by the shed blood.
We have been bought; for a price by the One who calls us by name.
The King of Kings calls us sons and daughters; joint heirs.
Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ,
if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Our suffering has purpose.
I’m saying this out loud.
I’m screaming it into the very core of my being.
My suffering has a purpose.
Your Suffering has a purpose.
God, in his infinite wisdom is taking all these things that go wrong and shaping me into his child.
My worthiness is based on purpose.
My worthiness is in Christ.
Knowing full well, that he died and rose again for me, for you, for all.
He is working all things together for good.
So hold on dear ones.
If your heart is aching.
There is purpose.
May my heart and mind grasp these truths today.
May we all dig deep into the immeasurable love of our Savior.
I’m going to try today to release this pit in my stomach that all news will be bad.
Even if it is; I’m going to try to see that God is still at work.
I’m going to try.
I have this song on repeat for a little while today.