Student accepted day.
Trying to decide.
Which school is the best.
When it’s been 20 months.
20 months since he last drew a breath.
20 months since our world seemed right.
And now she,
my daughter, on the edge of the beginning.
The emotions swirl.
Torment, yet excitement.
I can not forsake one because my heart longs for the other.
The speed increases.
My mind can not keep up.
My heart torn.
The anguish of grief; the hope of what is to come.
Isn’t that the gospel?
Wasn’t it hope, that held him there?
The pain that brought new life.
A symbol meant for shame.
Which brought redemption and life.
And one day.
One glorious day. . .
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
I am powerless to stop it.
But I can rest in the plan God has ordained.
He sees the big picture.
He understands the pain.
He is right here in the midst of all that is happening.
I reach for Him.
This is all too much for me to bear.
My heart hurts.
But I want to enjoy every moment with my daughter.
So, we take a picture.
We explore the campus.
I look at those beautiful green eyes.
I don’t know what God has in store for her.
I can not plan her life or even go with her.
As a mom who has lost deeply this step of letting go is huge.
But with God’s help, I will.
I will remain grateful for every moment I have had with all of our children.
I will give thanks for a daughter and her husband and a beautiful grand child.
I will thank God for 17 wonderful, blessed years.
I will daily hand over the reigns to the King of Kings.
I will continue to walk in gratitude.
There is still more for us to do.