I walk out of the bedroom to start my coffee. There are sleeping bags all over the living room. I pick up the pot and plug it in the bathroom so not to disturb anyone. I have a blondie in my bed who had a headache in the middle of the night. I start the laundry and fold a load while I wait for the coffee. My phone is plugged in, in the middle of the sea of sleeping bags. I don’t dare disturb them. I wander to the parlor, I open the door and there is another sea of sleeping bags. I head back to my room.
I hope the blondie stays sleeping.
There are sleeping bags in 2 of the rooms downstairs and the upstairs beds are full. It can mean only one thing;the teens are here.
It is break.
And with that comes lots of laughing, eating, music, and memories.
And parts of this are so sad and hard.
And just plain unbelievable.
Gary and the kids get the Christmas Tree. I stay home and hold the most precious of bundles. I can’t help but walk the memory of years past and tree gathering. I can’t tell you it was this utopic experience with peace and harmony. It was always energetic and loud and I am always picky about the tree. So, someone was always upset with me. But the memories are what they are and they are beautiful. And each moment was what it should be. And I miss my son. I miss our family unit.
I feel tired at the weight of the memories.
I gaze at Lilah’s sweet face. Such a promise, hope, future.
And I think that that is part of the significance of the pain of losing a child.
It is the future that is snatched from you.
It is the future that gives you hope.
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
It is the future to which we look and make plans.
And all the dreams and hopes; dashed. Crystal holds Lilah and my heart lurches.
And I don’t finish my thoughts. I can’t. But I feel robbed and sad.
Oh, how we all miss him.
I ponder this as I sit here between Black Friday and the beginning of Advent.
The Messiah was the future.
The hope of the Jewish Nation.
In his name the nations will put their hope
Yet he came not as conquering King; but as a babe.
He came as a servant; meek and mild. Born in a stable.
Yet the future of all mankind was fulfilled through this small child.
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
And yes, the future has been altered.
The future here on this earth.
But the future that really matters; the hope of all Nations,
was fulfilled by the birth of that one small child.
My future is in the palm of God’s hand;
destined by that One child who came, lived, died and rose again, so that my future is
full of hope.
Day #30 of Thankfulness
I am thankful for:
The hope of the future because of the One who came
Time with family and friends
Alaria and Scott’s wedding plans, which include our 2 girls
A sea of sleeping bags
Heat; I am still so grateful to be warm
the promise of the Advent Season
Snuggles with my little girls
Friends of the olders
30 days of Thankfulness
I am changed from this counting my thankfulness experience. My focus has turned to seeing the blessings in the midst of deep grief and the unknown.